


i don't wanna know now

by torrentialTriages



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Decima - Freeform, ambiguous huirier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 13:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11624190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torrentialTriages/pseuds/torrentialTriages
Summary: trusted heart pumps blood around a monolith that lets me down / i don't wanna know, i don't wanna knowVictoire still holds out hope, because she's the only one who will. Title taken from Got Stendhal's by Los Campesinos!.





	i don't wanna know now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lichenthropy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lichenthropy/gifts).



> hi el i said id finish this a million years ago........ and then almost scrapped it when i thought about the aids parallels bc that was upsetting but i like suffering so

Victoire's lost track of the days, in a way. Her duties don't matter as much. Kuan's duties don't matter. How can they? He's  _dying._

He keeps hacking up blood, and Selberg had never seen anything like it when Lambert died, he keeps trying to race against the clock to figure out how to cure whatever's happening, but it didn't help Lambert. And she just knows it can't help Kuan, but still, she hopes.

Mace died a month ago. Lambert died two weeks and a bit ago. It had been sudden, devastating, and horrifying, and Captain Lovelace hadn't been the same since. Victoire used to be scared of her chilled-iron self-discipline and her strength in chasing what was right. And then, after the harrowing fiasco with Eris, she'd grown to admire and even love her commanding officer. But now... after Sam... things were looking dire.

She smooths his hair back from his damp forehead, growing out from its regulation cut. He'd wanted to see how long he could grow it - he still did - why was she thinking about him in past tense?

She shakes her head. Enough of that.  _He's still here, Victoire,_ she chides herself,  _and you had better appreciate him while he still is,_ and at that point, as if called from the depths of unconsciousness, he blinks awake, squinting up at her, somehow alienated from her without his glasses.

"Hey," he croaks, barely audible.

"Kuan," she says, full of everything she wants to say but will not for his sake.

He closes his eyes. "This is it, huh?" No humor in his voice. And somehow, that hurts even more than watching him hack up actual pieces of lung.

"It's not," she says about as firmly as she believes in that statement, but it's all she has to cling to anymore. "Kuan. It's not over yet." He gazes at her, eyes full of pain and emotional anguish and bearing the knowledge she wants to avoid discussing as long as she can.

He is surely going to die.

Despite herself, she leans down and kisses him tenderly, cradling his now-skinny face. She hadn't gotten sick yet, so she could only assume she was either immune or her days were already numbered.

"Victoire," he breathes as she pulls away. His eyes are bright.

"You're going to make it, Kuan," she insists, and her voice only shakes a little. "I know you will."

He closes his eyes, faint laugh pained. He can tell. But she still, somehow, needs him to believe. If he won't, then she has to believe for the both of them.

When he doesn't make it, Victoire has nothing to assuage the memories of Kuan, happy, self-assured, healthy, of him exhausted from battling the worst of their problems on this station that never seemed to end, of him fighting Decima with everything he was worth and nevertheless being eaten from the inside out, of him saying cheerfully, grimly, simply,  _I told you so._


End file.
